At 52 years of age, I am mostly satisfied with my life. I have a wonderful husband, lovely children, and the best friends in the world. I am self-employed, which gives me a lot of flexibility in my schedule. I have a small but comfortable home in a pleasant neighborhood.
It makes wanting to change things in my life seem rather petty.
But there are things that I could be doing better. We eat too much take out, and it always seems that we are pulled in a thousand directions at once. There are personal goals for improvement that I want to make.
To put them into a single desire, I wish to live more graciously.
I’m not looking to live in some sort of Martha Stewart perfection (so relax, hon). It’s not a matter of living in sterile cleanliness, nor of rigid scheduling. Trying those in the past has been a failure. This is about living deliberately. Making decisions about the use of my time and resources that stop allowing them to slip through my fingers in ways that leave me dissatisfied. So days when I decide that all I want to do is lie back in a chair and read all day will still be allowed, but noodling around on computer games because I’m too tired to get up and go to bed is right out.
I do not expect to be perfect at this. I expect that I will get lost in the weeds along the way and experience frustration and embarrassment. I expect that I will be ashamed of myself at times. Mostly I think I will learn a lot about myself. And that’s the best that a person can ask for in the 53rd year of her life.
I am starting a couple days early mostly to get used to WordPress and put down my goals. I am not going to spend the last few days of 2009 stridently cleaning so as to clear the path for 2010. 2010 will have to accept me with my 52 years of bad habits and clutter. The year and I will grow together.