This blog has been, to put it mildly, ignored of late.
That kind of fits in with the rest of my life. It’s been a year and a month since Rebecca died, and eight months since my mother died. It was a year of upheaval before that. And all of it has led to a kind of retreat into myself. Depression, yes, but more closer to hibernation.
I am ready to fight my way back out of that. I’m discovering new tools for doing so.
For a while I thought I might just give up on blogging altogether. Ironically, it is Facebook–that death of LiveJournal–that has brought me back to it. Just before the anniversary of Rebecca’s death, I activated the “On This Day” feature on Facebook. And yes, there were some very painful memories. But there have also been good memories, and reminders of things that made me smile or laugh of think.
And comments from my mother. The first time I ran into one it took the legs out from under me. But after that I’ve been grateful that I am left with her voice, in words, on my page.
Grateful, gracious, they are words that come back to grace. Grace as in recognizing the blessings that I have, even when there are bad days, and sad days. Grace in remembering that I got through some hard things, and in being inspired by triumphs and by love.
I don’t want those memories to stop in 2013 or 2014, both of which were very hard years. I want them to go forward, and find the quiet blessings in the years to come. And for that, I need to put the words on the page.