I’m feeling blue today, after a conversation with a couple who are breaking up. She did things, and he did things, and then they both did things out of anger and pain and defensiveness.
In the end, she sits stricken, tears rolling down her still face. And he has the calm of someone who has walled away his emotions.
I sit between a woman who doesn’t want a divorce, and a man who can’t stay any longer.
And I just want to smack them both.
Yes, there were things done, and things said, that are unforgettable. But when I see that much pain between people who obviously still care, I just wish I could knock some sense into them.
It takes a lot to put aside pain and anger when someone has hurt you badly. And some people are determined to just keep causing pain. Sometimes you’ve both changed too much to reach across the gap.
But sometimes it seems like two good people of good will who care about each other simply can’t get past an event.
I’ve heard the phrase, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to stupidity.” And when Ferrett says or does something hurtful, I try hard to remain calm and point out the painful thing instead of shooting back.
Sometimes I fail. And then Ferrett is generally wise enough to tell me that I’ve hurt him.
Sometimes we both fail. But we try not to fail for long. We can damage each other, but we have faith in our good will and push through our own anger to reach out to each other.
As I sat with that couple, I wanted so much to help them reach through their anger and hurt. But you can’t force that on people, and a year of painful encounter takes a lot to get through. All I can do is urge them to be as good to each other as they can.